Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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