I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
