i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
