haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
