i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
What a dumb baby whore.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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