hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
there is puke in my bra ... again
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
