how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
