i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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