Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
