I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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