Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
When did angry sex become our thing?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
