Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
