she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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