TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
