see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
