Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
