he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
