she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
