would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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