the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
