We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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