Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
