Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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