My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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