ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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