DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
