It's Friday. Sex?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
