I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
