the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
