The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
