:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
