I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
