i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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