my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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