If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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