We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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