I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
