4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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