I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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