I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Randomize
