Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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