haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
