i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
