just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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