You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Randomize
