Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
