cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
