brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
