Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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