Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
