I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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