I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
