I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Acid is not a monday night drug
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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