Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
