i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
