I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
