he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
