I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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