I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize