you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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