When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
