you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
