You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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