yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
