Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
