half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
