So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
