The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
