I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
grandma shit on top of the toilet
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
