i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
