i think my mom watched the whole time
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
